First Direct
has a sense of humour. Good thing I have. Just finished reading the email setting out the changes to terms and conditions of my account.
Pre-amble
It might not be a page-turner but consider this some (very important) gentle bedtime reading
Important it might be, gentle, it certainly ain.t.
Greeting and handshakes over, we get the nub of the email -
| Oh the Terms, they are a changing |
| This isn't just any old Terms update. We know they can be heavy going so we've worked really hard on our new ones. We've reduced the number of words and made sure the ones that are there are in as plain English as humanly possible, so it's easy to find and understand the information you need, when you need it. |
Lots of pages and millions of words later (I'd hate to see the pre-reduced words version)
We're also working on an all-singing, all-dancing online version* which will be live on our website on or around the same date.
*They can't really sing or dance but you knew that already.
Lots more pages and words later - If you're not reading this with a hot beverage, you're doing it wrong.
Hot beverages have no bearing on my ability to wade through this ocean of words.
Outline of the 21 categories covered by the changes.
| We hope you're making notes. There'll be a quiz at the end*. |
| *There won't. |
Lots more pages and far too many words later, and we're not half-way through yet -
When you've finished reading these Terms you should file them away in a safe place. Don't make them into a paper airplane. We understand it's tempting..
Finally, at the end of the email, and *there is no test.
I think I've followed all that, but I/m not sure that it was worth all the effort for Thank you and goodnight.
